Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
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4:09 am - this is good bye my friend
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Monday, December 12th, 2005
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11:21 pm - i want to freeze this moment forever and carry it around in this locket, close to my heart.
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into the darkness we went... not knowing what would happen... and we came out with perfection and happiness in one hand.... and the other hand you ask, well the other hand was holding yours.... forever and ever
so last night was perfect... absolutly perfect... amazing... great... grand... wonderful...
I'm the happiest girl in the world....
I love you kevin always know that :D
this is for you, to hold you close, to
keep you close to my heart, i'll scream it until your ears bleed, you'll always
have a friend in me. im sorry that i split you open to keep warm between your
arms hands heart and lungs but we'll beat the clock black and blue blood red to
never give this up and i'll be right here to help you sleep (to help me sleep)
to keep you alive (to keep me alive) against all demons. to find hope in a smile
to keep holding tight forever when someone becomes
everyone, when somewhere becomes everywhere (where you are and
where you want to be)
current mood:  loved
current music: the used- taste of ink
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, December 10th, 2005
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11:22 pm - and im going down like a ship in an ocean full of iceburges
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So tonights show was pretty freaking sweet!
but it would have been better if i felt good at all about anything. I miss just being happy with myself...
I feel so fat and just unpretty... there's nothing i can do about my looks but im going to lose 25 pounds by feb
Sometimes i just want to be sick so i get skinny... but its not worth it too me i guess... I've already done enough damage to my body..
cutting and drinking and drugs took its toll on me mentally and physically a long time ago... I dont do any of them anymore thank god
I tried turning it all around but it always leads me down this road...
sometimes i think about how im never good enough
sometimes i think about how im no worth it
sometimes i think about why I'm even here
sometimes i think about how i know I should be here...
sometimes i think about how i dont belong
not in life and not with friends....
I'm not worth anything
but ill finish school and keep going day by day..... i mean i made it this far with one long bag relationship, a couple broken bones, a lose of friends, my dad cheating on my mom, my addiction to pain killers, threw cutting, and drugs, and drinking, threw not having a religion, threw knowing im not cared about or loved by my mom, threw people dieing, threw people crying, threw turning around my life, threw so much shit....and much much more.... and maybe just maybe someday i will find out why...why im still here
I'm so sorry....
current mood:  lonely
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, December 9th, 2005
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10:16 pm - theres a million beautiful face's and i stick out with nothing but the word "alone"
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So i know im not beautiful nor pretty... maybe just maybe cute on somedays....
but i try
so tell me what you think of me
be honest.. cuz it realy doesnt hurt anymore
current mood:  apathetic
current music: pretty ricky
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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3:17 pm
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So Lj and friends its been awhile... I went to school yesterday... all day and i did some home work! GO ME! I saw kevin for like 4 hours last night which was nice seeing as i have not seen him like at all anytime this week... (( i have to reserve him))
I think kassies lil niece broke my bone under my eye... it hurts
my ear hurts ouch
I didnt go to work last night and sherri is pissed at me
I had asked for tmmrw off like 4 weeks ago and what did they do they have me down to work and that shit but o well im going anyways but im going to bitch the whole time. There is a show tonight and sunday that i might go to depending on what happens sunday lol :D
my mom is trying to be nice now cuz i keep calling her a bitch.... she tried taking my key away last night
I talked ot my dad for like 2 minutes
my computer is being really gay... I'm on myspace all the time or at kassies.... I suck at pool lol and well lets see i found my beck cd and its all scratched up so im pissed.
I need clothes really badly but o well cuz my parents wont buy them for me...
I've been really down lately... sad and fat
i feel like i weigh 10,000 LBS
anyways thats my life
current mood: lonely
current music: beck
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
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11:16 pm - it took her 16 years to say it to my face... how sad
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So im a "worthless piece of crap that doesn't deserve to live under my roof. We take care of you the best we can, we might not be rich but we try. I'll you have done in return is spend our money and treat us like crap. You think you are all grown up and you dont need us and that you know how to live and what to do but your wrong. I gave up on you a long long time ago and I never believed you would make it in anything. Your dreams have been stupid and you will never be anything. You are a failure and you've ruined mine and your fathers life. Your just not right in the head kari!"
and that was the end of the conversation with my mom.... i c mom well i knew that and i was just waiting for u to say that.... its not like i didn't know that i was a failure and that i wasn't going anywhere and that i probably wont be happy ever for the rest of my life but you dont have to rub it in my nose. Parents are supposed to support their kids and you never have with me... you never cared and either did dad. Dad always tries to buy me off with money... well money cant replace a father and the time i never had with him. I dont care about money i HATE IT!
I just wish they loved me
I used to try so hard but they make me not want to care... they never pushed me... they never wanted it that bad... they should have never had me then
I am nothing and i know this....
I know my life is failing apart and now all i have is kevin and my friends.
I know im not graduating with my class seeing as i only have 9 credits and im a JR
and now above all that my mom wont let me go to icc alternative becuz she doesn't want to pay for me to get help in some way so that i can pass high school so i dont have to work at micky d's for the rest of my life.... but she doesn't care
I just wish they loved me enough to care even.....
and on top of that i have my own feelings and thoughts to deal with... kassie and maybe carly is the only one that might have any idea what im talking about it... i just want to say im not going to let it happen again... i wont ruin the thing that makes me happy.
I just dont feel right anymore... i feel unfufilled
I feel lonely
I feel like i miss something
I feel like im dead
current mood: lonely
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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9:19 am
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So Me, wes and kass hung out for her birthday and it was really fun. The last couple of days I have been hanging with kass, wes, and vince all the time. No kevin :(
So me and kass wanted to move out when i can afford it which will probably be sometime in the spring or early summer and so thats when wes gets out of jail and so we all decied we are going to live together and it will be one fucked up three's company lol but I cant wait I'm so excited cuz both of them are two of my best friends and it wil just be so fun living with them. No school for me today guys cuz im taking kass to take her driving test in my car and then hanging with her. so call me later
So i have not talked to kyle in like weeks... it kinda bugs me. i dont work anymoreand my next check is going to suck. Kevin and I are going shopping tonight and lets see what else.... o i got my app for icc alternative and so I'll most likely be going there next semseter. I cant wait... but i dont want to leave every one ... and ill get fat cuz no track :(
O and im getting tattoo's soon
current mood:  happy
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, December 3rd, 2005
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11:49 pm
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living a worthless lie
always thinking of beauty
but yet such an ugly world
we make
twisted and broken
are we who we hate
I see joy in the hearts from the corner
I stay,
I watch them knowing I'm awake
alive to live my punishment
of youth in vein
love did I try to lose
on battle after another nothing
to hope for nothing to take
I am no Alexander
I buildnot to create
I build sadness hopes lost
and sunsets amoungist pale moon lite sky's
deviled and painedsimply touched
to sin and broken wings
I was thrown from heaven
Hollow be my name
I wrote that a long time ago.. plz tell me what you think
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, December 2nd, 2005
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12:06 am
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she be my bff for life... my sister for life... my lover for life lol
:D
I love her
and
I love Kevin <3
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
current mood: loved
current music: 1st song on 30 seconds to mars cd
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 30th, 2005
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2:56 pm
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So i have not been on LJ becuz myspace has taken over my life lol as sad as it seems... to me at least. well I went to a full day of school today Im excited.... but i really want to get out of this school soon
I forgot my cell so i cant talk to kevi :(
He makes me so happy though... he came and saw me this morning and i love him more for it
He's my baby!!!
I am awesome lol
o and me and mica are cool with each other who knows maybe even friends soon
current mood: happy
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, November 27th, 2005
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11:50 pm
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well on my way to go get Kevin i almost hit a deer... it had to have been the fattest ugliest deer i have ever seen though lol... I thought it was like a donkey lol but there are no donkeys around these parts lol
so kevin is so cute and I love him....
lol now I am addicted to MYSPACE!!!!!!!
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, November 26th, 2005
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3:58 pm
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I got a myspace
so if u want to add me as a friend
look for Kari Bishop
and I'm sure I'll add you If i find you :)
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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1:31 pm
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So i'm very excited about tmmrw except the fact that i hate my house with a passion of a million suns
o=D
just face facts you know you all love me lol
current mood:  excited
current music: the cure- lets go to bed
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Friday, November 25th, 2005
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12:27 pm
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well so I didnt go to mudvayne becuz i didnt feel good so I sold my ticket to kassie and she probably had more fun than i would have every had...
Kevin made me feel better by laying with me... he is perfect!
So thanksgiving was awesome when i comes to being with grace lol and seeing brodie and even seeing kevin later. Grace came over to my house cuz she didnt want to sit with the old ppl and i was naked.. lol
I got ready and then we sang "show me them titties" into the mirror while doing our hair lol... and continued doing so while skipping over to our grandma's lol
so i had that stuck in my head all day
=D grace is crazy but she made thanksgiving with the family so much better.
Later i went to my other grandma's and sat there until 5 something when we were supposed to eat at 2 lol
then i went to kevin's and then i was really happy... he makes me so happy =)
current mood: happy
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005
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11:44 am
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I've been in a writing mood lately... not really about anything but myself I just feel like telling the world everything... Kevin makes me want to do so... I dont want secrets in my life especially from him and I know that if i dont start telling everything then i will have secrets so from now on if u ask me a question i will answer it truthfully no lies or anything i promise....
I love that boy...
I ♥ kevin
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005
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10:19 pm
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4:03 pm
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Well I guess i didnt go to school again today... I was sick for once lol for real i was sick though it sucks so much... I went for lunch so i could see kevin and then i walked him to class and said screw this and left lol
really i dont even want to school at all but i dont want to drop out... seeing as i know my dream of living over in england somewhere in the country in a old farmish house with a lake and pets and being a photographer isnt going to happen i best try at school a little so I can at least not live on the streets.
I dont want to be just another kid that drops out and sells drugs on the street or expects everyone else to take care of them, I am a person that depends on other people... when i get attached to people like I always do i seem to get hurt... thats y i hope seeing as i love kevin that i dont break his heart and end up hurting him... I dont want to ruin what i have right now... seeing as I am very very happy... and i have not been this happy for a couple years... i just hope it lasts a long long time.
After school i went to MCD's and talked to sam while he was on break about religion and how i thought it was stupid that some girl wouldnt go out with him becuz her mom said that she couldnt date him becuz of his religion. I really hate people like that... just becuz someone else has different beliefs doesnt mean U should hate them or dislike them. I always found religion fasinating but I dont have one... I'm not really a believer in god nor in the devil or heaven or hell. I dont really have any beliefs at all, I tried being a buddist but i couldnt give up my car and my clothes and all my stuff so that didnt work. I dont know what happened to me or why I dont have a religion besides the fact that i just dont believe... I used to go to church with my aunt and uncle every wednesday and sunday and believed in god very much but after my aunt joyce died i just seemed to search threw all the religions i knew and try and find answers for something that wasnt there, I dont think it really had anything to do with her death but it was just around that time. No I'm not one of those people that gave up on god becuz he didnt answer my prayers or something... I just gave up.... and so I started to study religion but then i just got bored with it and so here i am with out one.
I got money from kyle so i could buy his mudvayne ticket when i went to get mine which i did and it was $59 for two of them and I just sat around in goodwill after that and looked around and got an application. Becuz i hate MCD's and I cant wait to get out of there.
Then i drove down to the river and it was freezing in the water but for some reason water just calls to me... I love water... I love fish... and just i cant get enough of swimming and showers lol so dont be surprised if i die in water somehow lol.
AS i walked on the river's side i looked down at all the sand and the sea shells and i didnt even notice how cold it was or why i was there... I just kept thinking as I walked alone... I used to do that all the time during the night... back in the day when i wouldnt come home for a couple days... I would go down there and just fall asleep on the beach... I miss those days... but i dont miss how i treated my mom she must have been so worried when i use to do that... and not come home for a couple days.... but i hate coming home... I hate this house and at the time i hated her... now we get along and we talk but i still hate my house even more now then i did then i think.
While i was walking i discovered that when i grow up i just want to be a photographer, maybe not a famous one but one that takes beautiful pictures and makes enough money to help her family grow and be strong. I discovered that taking pictures is really the only thing i enjoy doing anymore that could help me someday at getting a job. I dont think i was really meant to be alive this long sometimes... but all in all i am glad i still am here. So maybe one day i will live in england and take pictures and my dream will come true.
I found out when i was home talking to my mom that I guess things have been disappearing from the fridge in the middle of the night... my mom told me she found tomatoes in the soup cabnet... and milk from micky d's in the cabnet we dont use anymore... so i guess ive been going crazy in the middle of the night and moving things around on her lol... I am one crazy kid... that kind of worries me though.... that means im sleep walkin again and I've been waking up at 4 or 5 in the morning for no reason.... weird
well carly is on her way so later... sorry about the long update
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(11 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, November 20th, 2005
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10:42 pm
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so its time for an update seeing as no one comments or reads this anyways lol
Work is gay and i hate it... I told natalie at the end of december or the first week of Jan I'm putting my two weeks in... but if i dont have a new job by then.... then i have to stay... :(
School im still doing very poorly in and it still sucks and really the only reason i still go is becuz i dont want to be a drop out or a loser, plus i want to see kevin and kyle and carly and emily, suz, sped, and bob. And everyone else i need to see and take pictures with lol
Camera still does not have a memory card in it yet :( so it only takes like 20 pictures on its internal memory
Mudvayne is going to be here in 3 days and i dont have my ticket yet bob if u buy me a ticket i will so pay u back when ever i can and Ill love u forever and ever!
I feel like i am growing apart from carly and it really really bothers me cuz she is like my best friend and I miss her and i love her and she is like my sister that likes to call me and tell me she is naked lol
I never see david or beau anymore nor do either of them talk to me or get online :(
My dad came home this weekend and i was shocked that he stayed for 4 days thats like a record for him and i got to see him more and it was nice having him around for once.
wes's b-day bash thing on friday was nice becuz i got to hang out with vince and bob and wes and i never hang out with those guys ever and i miss them and sneaking into the hot tubs with them lol
I noticed i have not been going to shows manly becuz of work and now just becuz there arent any and that makes me mad cuz i love shows!
Where did my LJ friends go???? I never hear from u guys... also I'm never on here either I'm sorry guys.
I've been hanging with kevin a lot and all is well and I love that boy with all my heart... I used to think i would never love someone as much as i did scott but... i do... Kevin is perfect and he is the best :D
XOXOXO to u kevin 0;D
and thats about it for my life for right now.... boring i know
current mood: happy
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, November 18th, 2005
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11:56 am
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So I again did not wake up in time for school... but u know what really sucks... kevin has to work tonight. :(
so if someone wants to hang out give me a call or a ring w/e lol
I have been with out ebay for like 4 days becuz i owe money already lol o gosh im dieing with out it
my dad came home... enough said
Kevin is just to cute i want to lay with him forever. :D
current mood: happy
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
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9:36 pm
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[] I'm afraid of the quiet.
[] I am realllllly ticklish.
[] I'm afraid of the dark.
[]I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night.
[] I am homosexual.
[X] I believe in true love
[] I've run away from home
[] I listen to political music.
[] I collect comic books.
[X] I shut others out when I'm sad.
[] I open up to others easily
[] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[] I watch the news.
[] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] Own something from Hot Topic.
[x] I love Disney movies.
[] I am a sucker for brown eyes.
[] I don't kill bugs.
[X] I curse sometimes.
[] I have (or had) "x"s in my screen name.
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[] I love Spam.
[x] I cook well.
[X] I have worn pajamas to class.
[] I own something from Abercrombie.
[X] I have a job.
[] I love Dr. Phil.
[X] I love someone.
[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[X] I am self-conscious.
[X] I love to laugh.
[] I drink alcohol on a regular basis.
[X] I have tried a cigarette.
[] I smoke weed every day.
[] I loved Lord of the Flies.
[] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I've been out of this country.
[X] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[] I love chocolate.
[x] I bite my nails.
[] I am comfortable with being me
[] I play video games when I'm bored.
[x] Gotten lost in the city
[X]Seen a shooting star.
[] Had a serious surgery.
[X] Gone out in public in your pajamas.
[] Have kissed a stranger.
[] Hugged a stranger.
[x] Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of the same sex.
[x] Been in a fist fight.
[x] Been arrested.
[x] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of your nose.
[X] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[] Made out in an elevator.
[X] Swore at your parents.
[] Been skydiving.
[] Been bungee jumping.
[x] Gotten stitches.
[] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[X] Bitten someone
[] Been to Niagara Falls.
[X] Gotten the chicken pox
[x] Crashed into a car.
[] Been to Japan.
[] Ridden in a taxi.
[x] Shoplifte
[] Been fired.
[X] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] Stole something from your job. ((so many apple dippers and yogurt))
[] Gone on a blind date.
[] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[] Been to Europe.
[x] Slept with a co-worker.
[] Been married.
[] Gotten divorced.
[x] Saw someone/something dying.
[]Driven over 400 miles in one day.
[x] Been to Canada.
[X] Been on a plane.
[] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[] Thrown up from being too drunk.
[] Eaten Sushi.
[] Been snowboarding.
[] Been skiing.
[X] Been ice skating.
[x] Cried in public.
[x] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed.
[X] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have.
[x] Lost your virginity (( wish i wouldn't have cuz he was an asshole))
So theres some interesting stuff about me then lol not really
SO i noticed i dont fit in around kevin's parents... but i guess they will have to grow on me
I love that boy so much though
He is so cute
nothing much excepted i jipped school and saw phil thrush for the first time in forever
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